I don´t wanna be...

Listen while you read...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2BHcfwXJXM

I guess it hurts the most because I don´t know the cause, maybe I shouldn’t have cried when you left. But how can I just sit there and watch you leave, but there is nothing I can do to make you come back. You say that there is a bond that will hold us together but the truth is, I think I want to burn that bond because, as you said, “NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME BETWEEN US”.

It kills me the most to say that I still care, I care for you. I still wake up and think about you, the truth is that I think about you ever second of the day. But in my heart, I know that in this month, my mind will break ever memory about you, my thoughts about you will be corrupted by many people and soon, I´ll see that you actually weren´t the perfect man for me, I just thought you were.

Know I´m just left trying to rewind the times you held me and kissed me back. I´m left think about every moment I spent with you and even when I’m home I can´t escape your memories. I lay in my bed and all I see is you right there looking at me with those amazing eyes. But what can I do with memories that probably will just disappear with time, I just play them over, and over, and over, but every time I do I start to forget how happy I felt and all I feel is loneliness. There is a great difference between being alone and felling lonely, I now I´m not alone I have so many people that love me, I just feel lonely, like there is something missing inside me.

I wonder if you thinking “Is she all right all alone?”, I guess you must ask yourself if I´m doing okay, or if I stay up all night. The truth is that I´m not okay, I think about us every second of the day and no matter how busy I try to be, all I can do is let my heart bleed. My friends tell me to cry if I need to but I feel so weak when I shed a tear for you.

Sometimes I wonder if you try to call but couldn´t find your phone, or maybe you wanted to send a text but just couldn´t hit send. I guess I´m weak because I can´t stay one minute without checking my phone or writing you a text, and I´m so sorry for that because I know that wasn’t part of the deal but I just can´t walk away from you. I do wonder if I ever cross your thoughts, and it´s all because your name is all over mine.

I´m not crying because you left me on my own and I promise I´m not crying because you left me without a warning, I guess I´m just crying because I can´t escape what could have been. I keep think what´s going through your mind, I wish I could just dig inside your brain to see what you’re thinking about me. It´s a door I wish I could just walk inside so I can finally see how your mind works. Were you even aware when you let me go? Did you even know what you were doing in that moment because I couldn´t even say the words to end everything but you did, and that hurt me so much, to see your mouth move and say those words.}

I guess I should have approached everything a bit differently, we said we´d be honest with each other and you have all ways been honest with me. And know it´s my turn…

I don´t want to follow you around until you find the truth, but i´d rather not kiss ever stranger until I find you.

All I can do is let my heart bleed..